i hate going to meetings. absolutely hate going.
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first of all, they never start on time... i'll get a text at 6 pm requesting that I come to a very important meeting the next day at 10 am. So, I show up at 10 am and i'm the first one there. About an hour and a half later they decide to start this meeting and it always starts out the same way. The person leading the meeting will greet the group... "Hamjambo," and then the group, in unison, will reply, "Hatujambo," and then the leader will say, "Hamjambo tena," and then the group will reply, "Hatujambo."
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Next is roll call. The leader will sit facing the group and then call out names in a similar fashion to the movie Ferris Bueller's Day Off and continue to repeat a name until that person responds or someone else steps in and says that they are not there. I suppose this wouldn't be that strange except that there are never more than six people at these meetings.
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Following roll call is an explaination of why the meeting is being called and past activities that the group that was called to be there has accomplished. (confused yet?) well hang in there, 'cuz you ain't seen nuthin yet.'... this continues for over an hour in a repetitive way that consists only of kiswahili. During this time the head-honchos of the group will sporadically show up and not pay attention to what's going on anyways.
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After awhile they will decide that it is there turn to talk and sometimes write down the points of their speach on a piece of paper on the wall to emphasize their points. During this last meeting, that I had to be at, was for the "youth" group that associated with my partner organization. And when i say youth group i mean a bunch of people ranging in age from 20-50 who get together maybe twice a year to play sports and maybe give skits on topics. And i have no idea what the topics are. (i'm hoping to alter a lot of this over the next two years).
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So anyways, the head-honcho man was trying to get the group involved by asking easy questions that are pertinant to the community and then writing their answers on the paper on the wall. First, he writes "Good Practices" and then underlines it. Then he asks, "ok, so what are some good practices that our community does?" and after a full 2 minutes of awkward silance (i'm not joking, it was a full 120 seconds of silence) he then writes, "1. Male Circumcision" and then he picks up a hand-out from an organization that did a study on MEDICAL CIRCUMSISION that concluded from their research that when MEDICAL circumcision is practiced the spread of disease is decreased. Head-honcho then decides to explain to the group that the second circumcision ceremony of the year is coming and it is a good thing because taking the boys into the forest, circumcising them with the same group machete, and then releasing them back to society as 'men' will decrease the prevelance of HIV within our community.
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(now please understand, that i love these traditional practices and i fully support them, BUT i do not agree with the notion that they are helping to reduce HIV transmission and of course I cannot voice my opinion and correct any of this because that would not only black list me within this mans eyes by undermining his authority, but it would also label me as a rebel-slut... incase you didn't know, any woman who stands up to a man is a prostitute.)
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Anyways, after listening to him talk about eliminating HIV, he then reaches for another topic that is a good practice within our community. And then, out of the small group, someone says, "women inheritance." AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I'm seriously going to SCREAM! [Women inheritance occurs when a husband dies leaving his wife, a now widow, behind (and usually with a couple of kids running around) to his BROTHER and if he doesn't have a brother to another male relative. It doesn't matter if he already has a wife or two, this woman now belongs to her former husband's brother]. Head-honcho goes on for 20 minutes about how this is such a wonderful thing and how it reduces HIV. At this point I just can't listen anymore. First off, it's well known that this not only does not reduce HIV, but infact, it advances it! If this married couple happened to have HIV, now the brother and all of his wives will acquire the virus and continue to pass it on to whoever they're sexually penetrating as well.
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I know this sounds crazy. Infact, I must be making it up, how could it possibly be true? I wish I could be creative enough to make it up. Incase you don't believe me... just see for yourself:
"Good Practices."As the meeting continues into it's 5th hour, the head-honcho wants to make a couple phone calls and puts the TV on for the rest of us to watch Afrocinema (a Nigerian version of soap operas)... it being 3pm and my stomach starting to eat itself, i decide to sneak out to get some food only to be stopped by one of my co-workers, Wheelkista. She's a sweet girl, but don't get between my acidified empty stomach and food. She told me that I couldn't leave, that i had to be there. I stared at her blankly for probably 43 seconds and said, "I've been here since 10am, 2 hours longer than you and i'm hungry." she then said, "ok, well let me check with Charles to see if you can leave."................. SHE MUST ME JOKING. She absolutely has to be JOKING....
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No, my friends, no she is not joking. At that point I start considering my options and conclude only one thing. RUN. No, I'm just joking. I just explain that i'll get some food kubeba (take away) and that i'll be right back. some chai and kenyan cake later, the meeting hasn't resumed. we wait around for head-honcho to resurface and finally when he does, he takes off and the rest of us are just waiting to leave. WAITING FOR ANOTHER 2 HOURS TO LEAVE. The rest of the meeting was a blur, i think we talked about World Aids Day on December first, i think they want to get T-shirts... and basically they waited to sign some US Aid papers showing that they were there and allowing them to receive 500 KES. Then they all take off.
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I've come to conclude that that is the only reason that anyone ever comes to any meeting... to get a traveling/lunch stipend. I hate meetings.
